My balls are so social today.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
