A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
