At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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