He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
