I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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