well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
