if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
