i was rollin on her like bob the builder
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
