and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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