Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
