Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
there is puke in my bra ... again
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
