My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize