It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
