This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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