if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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