i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
