One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize