I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
