Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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