ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Randomize
