What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
