If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
