Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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