i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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