Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
