She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
