so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
