Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
