Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
