Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
