Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
