I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
