is your mom at the bar?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
did i just pee glitter
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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