Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
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