Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize