bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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