Swine flu is the new snow day.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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