he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
