I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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