Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
