I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
