Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
