I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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