Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
