Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
