I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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