Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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