he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
