She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
