I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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