haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
