I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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