3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
