foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
