better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
