first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
pray to the hookup gods
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize