I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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