It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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