Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
