maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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