i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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