I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
