i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
