Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
