look no pants
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
