Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I need to calm my uterus...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
