billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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