Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
