his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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