ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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