I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
