Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she smelled like a LAN party
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
