Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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