Her vagina should come with caution tape.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
