so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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