You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I need a beard to bite.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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