I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
