Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
