What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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