my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So apparently I’m into choking now
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
