Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
