I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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