I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
