She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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