Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
