I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
