I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
