I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
