Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
my poor anus
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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