I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize