ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
