her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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