Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
