I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
