Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The convent might be a nice break from real life
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
