its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
