ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
