So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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