I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
