just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
