I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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