I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
