In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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