Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
