You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
sarcasm needs its own font
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
