I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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