Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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