So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
