I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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