Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
