There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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