he puts the penis in happiness.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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