I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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