Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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