I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
