Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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