Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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