he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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