she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
no you cant smoke seaweed
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Randomize
