So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
its not stalking. its research.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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